I recently read an article that a friend posted on Facebook about a woman who earned money by performing lap dances. As I remember it, she spoke very little about how she got into the industry but focused instead on what it did to her self-image. She was not in the industry long when she opted to have breast implants. Why? Because men were constantly explaining to her why they didn't want HER to give them a lap dance, including that her breasts were too small. She was daily bombarded with the requirement to do more and go farther in order to make enough money and with the obvious disregard the men had for her. This beautiful, confident, and capable woman was unable to hold her own in that environment and eventually grew to believe herself "ugly." And she used that word to describe everything about herself.
I also had a friend on Facebook recently berate herself and her life, quite publically. And all I could think of was The Help, "You is kind. You is smart. You is important." I hurt for her. Her self-regard was incredibly low.
All of this made me think, for about the millionth time, about my own self-image and of the self-image that my friends and family have. It has always been hard for me to see myself in a respectful light – whether it was physically, emotionally, or intellectually. And yet it is easy for me to see so many beautiful and wonderful things about my friends. I know that they see the same in me because they tell me so regularly. And how do I take it? I down play it. I disregard it. I think, "yes, but" or "if they only knew." They do the same. And it irritates me because I want them to love themselves as I love them.
Some time ago, I made what I believe was a momentous decision in my life. Every time I begin to think this way, I remind myself to say thank you and to believe the words being said to me. Thank you to God who made me with my looks and abilities because He loved me and He called me beautiful. Thank you to the person who complimented me. After all, they wanted to give me a gift of their praise or appreciation and to do otherwise is to show distaste for that gift. Thank you to myself for having self-regard. I like thinking well of myself.
It is important and good to have self-regard. Our self-regard teaches others to have it in themselves and encourages others to treat us as though we are worthy of respect. And by practicing it regularly, I found that I have an easier time believing in myself.
As for the lap dancer? She indicated that by the time she got out of the industry she had no self-regard, but I think that she had found finally found it, again.
- Therasa